On Top of the World
by donnaann55
Summary: Kurt's in charge of his own little slice of New York. He's literally on top of the world. Okay, it's only the 17th floor but it's everything he ever wanted. So, why does he feel like he's missing something?
1. Chapter 1

**On Top Of the World**

**Chapter One: Something's Missing**

Daniel Fine clicked shut down on his computer. He shrugged into his jacket and stuck his head into Kurt's office. "I'm done. Anything you need before I go?"

Kurt looked up from his laptop. "I'm good, Dan, thanks. Night." Kurt stretched, and rolled his shoulders. He checked the time on the bottom of the screen, 6:45.

"Kurt, it's your birthday. Go home." Dan stood in the doorway, shaking his head.

Kurt forced a smile for his assistant. "I'm going. I promise."

"Uh-huh." Daniel looked skeptical, but he left.

Kurt poured himself a scotch, and sipped it, staring out the window. His office was on the 17th floor. The Manhattan skyline at night was fantastic; flashing lights and energy, endless possibilities. So why was he so fucking depressed?

He was in no rush to go home to an empty condo. He wasn't there enough to justify having even a dog. He could get a bird, but taking care of Pavarotti at Dalton had cured him of any interest in avian pets. It's not like a bird was going to greet him at the door anyway! Kurt's shoulders sagged. He leaned against the window, resting his forehead on the glass. 34 years old! Happy Fucking Birthday!

His next sip was more of a gulp, a major piece of disrespect to the Glenlivet. How had he come to this? Which of his decisions had led him to this, staring into the night, wondering how he had screwed up? Where had he zigged when he should have zagged? Kurt stared into his past, the lights of New York flickering in the distance.

Should he have tried harder to make it work with Blaine? Maybe it was dropping out of NYADA, switching to Parsons. Was that where he had gone wrong? The three years he had been with Greg… Kurt grimaced, the scotch turning bitter in his mouth. God! That had been a fucking waste of time. How had he not realized the guy was a pretentious asshole the first day, or night, or week? No, getting rid of Greg had not been a mistake, not in any universe!

His first job as a glorified errand boy with Jill Sander… Should he have gone back to Lima? Or taken that job offer in Chicago? Was moving from fashion design to fashion journalism his big mistake? No, he loved his job. Maybe that was the fucking problem. He worked all the time. He hadn't taken a vacation, in … god, could it be three years? Yes, easily.

He had been lucky enough to get an internship at the magazine while he was still at Parson's. After graduation, he had jumped at the chance to be an assistant. The pay was ridiculous and the work was menial at best, but it was a start. He was young and in New York, and in love with Greg.

Three years later at twenty five, he had been promoted to editor. He had still loved New York but Greg was history. Anthony, a stylist at Neiman Marcus, succeeded Greg. They had started out tearing off each other's clothes, and ended two years later, sharing sections of the newspaper over breakfast in silence. Kurt met Anthony's successor at a photo shoot. Richard, a free-lance photographer, travelled a lot and as an editor, so did Kurt. Because one or the other of them was always packing a bag and grabbing an airplane, they had never actually lived together. The whole relationship was one long "Hi, I missed you. Get naked!" Kurt frowned at his glass. Maybe that's why they had lasted almost five years … they hardly ever saw each other!

An opportunity came up in Europe that Richard just couldn't turn down, and it ended. They had never even discussed Kurt moving with him to France. It had never occurred to either of them. Kurt had just been promoted to Fashion Director, and he would never have left New York anyway. He tipped his glass, and found it empty. He set it down on the stainless steel bar cart, with an audible click. He shoved his hands in his pockets, and leaned against the window. He stared down at the city spread out below him. He was literally, on top of the world; in a city he loved, with the dream job he had worked towards for years.

It had started slowly, just a whiff of an idea that flitted across his mind, nothing really, easily ignored amid the constant tumult that was his life. His days were a cacophony of next, more, better. The next issue, the next trend, the newest idea or designer; he had to be on top of it all. Even when he wasn't technically working, he was. As Fashion Director of one of the largest men's magazines in the country, Kurt got invited to everything; there was always a show, or an opening, or a charity dinner. He didn't go to everything, of course, he couldn't. He had to actually carve out time to be creative, to channel the vision that the magazine defined.

Over the last six months, that almost imperceptible tremor of disquiet had become more frequent, stealing into his rare tranquil moments. It often came on him unexpectedly, popping into his mind while he was brushing his teeth, or drying off after a shower, or just after he turned the lights out at night. It no longer whispered softly in the background. It had become insistent and annoying, and refused to be ignored.

Tonight, it was loud and clear. _Something's wrong. Something's missing. You need something else, something more… you need someone!_

Kurt stared into the night, and stopped running from the truth. He was alone … … … and he didn't want to be.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: House Guest**

Kurt changed into his 'I have no intention of going anywhere uniform', cashmere sweat pants, cotton T-shirt, cashmere cardigan. He pushed the sleeves up on the cardigan, and padded bare foot into the kitchen. He pulled something covered in tin foil out of the freezer. The label said chicken, but Kurt didn't really care. He hired a service that delivered home cooked meals to his freezer every two weeks. He didn't have the time to cook or buy groceries. Considering how rarely he was actually home for dinner this worked well enough.

Waiting for the microwave, he checked his phone messages. "Happy birthday, son. Go do something that doesn't involve a deadline. Have a great day." Kurt smiled, everyone else had already texted him birthday wishes but Burt didn't like to bother him at work. He deleted the next two messages, automated sales calls. "Kurt, happy birthday bro. Break out the guest towels, I'm on my way to New York." Kurt checked the time on the voice message, against his watch. Was Finn flying or driving? Coming from Lima or Chicago? A little more information would be nice! So Finn!

Kurt grabbed his cell phone from the charging station.

**From Kurt: ETA?**

**From Finn: At La Guardia just landed C U soon**

Okay…guest towels. Kurt had no idea if his cleaning lady changed the sheets in the guest room regularly or not. He changed them just in case. He found bath sheets for the guest en-suite. Finn liked his towels big. Kurt grinned, it's not like the boy was getting any smaller. He sighed as he remembered that neither one of them were boys anymore.

Kurt opened his laptop, deciding to catch up on his email while he ate dinner and waited for Finn. He got lost in work, totally oblivious to anything outside his own head. The shrill tone of the phone made him jump.

"Mr. Hummel, a Mr. Hudson is here for you."

"Thanks, George, send him up."

Kurt opened his door, and waited for the elevator to spit Finn out. The metal doors slid open, and Finn walked out holding a carry-on, and smirking at Kurt. "Mr. Hummel? Your doorman has an English accent, dude. Could you get any more pretentious?"

"Please!" Kurt drawled, affectation dripping from every syllable. "At least, try to pretend that you're not a peasant."

"Says the guy from nowhere Ohio, whose father is a mechanic!" Finn reached Kurt and drew him into a bear hug.

Kurt laughed into the hug, and waved Finn into the apartment. "This is a nice surprise."

Finn dropped his bag by the door. "Yeah, last minute thing. Needed a break." He looked around the open-concept condo, and started for the kitchen. "You've got beer, right?"

Kurt followed his step-brother. "No, actually, I don't."

Finn turned; disbelief and disappointment all over his face. "Dude!"

Kurt laughed. "I don't have any chips, or those orange things you like, either." Kurt crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against a counter. "And, I don't have ESPN."

Finn opened the fridge, giving Kurt a wounded look. "You're just trying to get me to leave." He pulled a bottle out of the fridge. "This will have to do."

Kurt opened a drawer and took out a corkscrew. "I'd hope so, considering it probably cost $150.00."

Finn took the corkscrew while Kurt got out two wine glasses. "Jesus! It's not gold."

Kurt shrugged, as Finn filled their glasses. "It was in a loot bag, at some charity dinner thing."

Finn clinked wine glasses with Kurt. "Nice job you've got there."

Kurt grinned. "I know." He tasted the wine. "You hungry? I can zap something."

"No, this is fine." Finn followed Kurt out of the kitchen, into the adjacent living/family room. They settled into opposite ends of the leather couch, Kurt curled up and Finn stretched out, the same positions they had favoured back in Kurt's basement room in Lima.

"So, Dad and Carole say you haven't been exactly chatty the last few weeks. What's going on?"

"They noticed that, huh?" Finn looked into his glass, obviously seeing something else. "I didn't want to say anything till I was sure." Finn looked directly at Kurt. "Rachel and I, we can't make it work, Kurt. We're over."

"Are you O.K.? What happened?"

Finn rubbed his hand over his eyes. "I don't know. Maybe we should have gotten married when we planned to, back in high school. But there was NYADA and I was thinking about joining the military, and then Rachel was touring and I was getting my teaching degree. Then Rachel got the job in Chicago, and I took the position at McKinley."

"Was it the long distance thing? Too much?"

"Well, that didn't help any." Finn took a gulp of his wine, and Kurt saw the hurt in his eyes before he dipped his head. "I thought, you know, it will be fine. When the show closes Rach will move back to New York, and we'll work things out." Finn drained his glass and put it on the coffee table. "We're just not on the same page anymore. I want to settle down, and be real, you know, start a family. I'm going to be 34 soon, Kurt. It's time. I'm tired of living alone, of spending my weekends in airports."

Kurt said nothing, but he flashed on his own epiphany earlier that evening. He and his step-brother had more in common than he thought.

"Rachel's not there yet, Kurt. She may never be there. Two weeks ago, she got an offer from California. We've been 'discussing' it, ever since."

Kurt snorted at the emphasis Finn put on 'discussed'. "Yeah, I know that discussion. Where you take turns screaming and crying?"

"Yeah, that's pretty much the way it went down." Finn stood up and paced in front of the fireplace. "I haven't told the parents yet. You're the first one I've told, actually. It sounds so strange to say it out loud."

Kurt sipped his wine and looked at Finn over his glass. "But, you're relieved?"

Finn rubbed the back of his neck. He looked at Kurt, surprise in his voice. "Yeah, I'm relieved."

Kurt nodded. "Then you made the right decision."


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: Who Me?**

"Get up."

Finn shuffled a bit on the sofa. "Dude, you're blocking the TV."

"Finn, you're not a surfer, you don't live in California, and you're way too old to say dude." Kurt reached down and swung Finn's legs off the sofa. "Now, get up. Get in the shower. I've got a charity thing tonight, and you're coming with me."

"Awww, Kurt, no. I hate those things."

Kurt sat on the couch beside Finn. "You haven't left the condo since you got here. I understand wallowing, but enough is enough."

"I have too been out. I bought beer and stuff yesterday, and I run every morning."

Kurt snorted. "I should hope so, with all the junk food you've been devouring!" Kurt knew Finn was hurting. "I get it. Rachel's been a big part of your life for eons. It's not easy to move past that. But there is a whole world outside this condo." Kurt stood. "And tonight you're going to see some of it. Now, get up."

Finn sat back on the couch, a triumphant grin on his face. "Sorry, du...Kurt, but I didn't bring any dress clothes with me."

"Nice try. Did you forget what I do for a living? There's a new suit in your room. I sent someone out to get it." Kurt walked around the couch and shoved at Finn's shoulders. "Shower!"

Finn groaned and got up. He whined as he left the room. "What charity?"

"Breast cancer, and don't take forever. I want to get something to eat before we go. The food they serve at these things is very dramatic but it usually tastes like sawdust."

Kurt heard Finn grumble as he walked down the hall. "Great! This just gets better and better.

* * *

Kurt knotted his tie (grey with pink pin points, Paul Smith), and checked the mirror. The charcoal grey suit (Ralph Lauren Purple Label) and pale pink shirt (Thomas Pink) worked well together. Kurt chose pink as a nod to the reason for tonight's fundraiser, breast cancer.

He found Finn pacing in front of the TV. "Mr. Hudson, you clean up well!" The black Armani looked great on Finn, as he knew it would. Aware of Finn's comfort level with clothes, Kurt had told his assistant to get a basic white dress shirt, and an understated tie. Daniel had done a nice job.

Finn pulled at his shirt collar, as if it were a noose. "You sure? It feels tight, man."

Kurt rolled his eyes and started for the door. "It's an Italian cut, it's supposed to be tight." He opened the door and waited for Finn to precede him. "You're not going to be playing football in it." Kurt locked the door and walked alongside Finn to the elevator. "You've never looked better in your life, so suck it up."

* * *

Kurt gave the cab driver the name of a restaurant, and Finn slid into the seat beside him. He stared out the window as the yellow cab crawled through traffic, already wishing the evening was over. Kurt elbowed him, and Finn ducked away. "Hey! What's that for?"

"Stop pouting. It won't be so bad. You can go right back to your couch cocoon as soon as we get home."

"How long do these things last?"

"Depends on how many people I have to talk to."

Finn was still complaining as Kurt paid the cab fare and steered him into a restaurant. The place was dark, and quiet, and run with surgical precision. Their steaks and salads appeared as if by magic.

Kurt watched Finn dig in. "If you drip anything on that suit, you're sleeping on the curb tonight."

Finn shot Kurt a dirty look, but he repositioned his napkin, and took a smaller bite than he usually did. "I may be just a small town gym teacher but I do know how to use a fork."

"Forgive me, but I remember when you didn't."

"Shut up." Finn pointed his fork at Kurt. "I remember a few things about you too, you know."

Kurt looked distinctly nervous. "Pax!"

Finn's smile got evil. "I'm sure those people you work with would love to hear about the time you…"

Kurt leaned over the table, closer to Finn, recklessly endangering his tie. "If you say anything embarrassing about me at the fundraiser tongiht, Finn Hudson, I will cancel my cable subscription."

Finn blinked and surrendered. "Jeez, I was just kidding. You don't have to get nasty."

* * *

Finn popped a shrimp thingy into his mouth, and looked around at the hordes of well-dressed skinny people. Kurt was schmoozing. His step-brother had introduced him to a ton of people when they first arrived, clearly wanting Finn to have a good time. But after about half an hour, Finn wanted to shoot himself, or the next person who gushed about the new fall line-up. He snuck away and stationed himself by the bar. He said yes to every tray the wait staff were circulating, apparently, the only one here who was actually eating.

Every once in a while, someone fetching themselves a drink, would stop and introduce themselves. The usual social chit chat; great event, what do you think of the entertainment, where do you work? As soon as Finn said he was here with Kurt, they would disappear. The last guy had spread his hands and bleated, "Sorry" before shooting a nervous look in Kurt's direction, and taking off.

It took a while but Finn finally clued in to what was happening. He strolled over to Kurt, who was talking to a woman wearing a bizarre hat, and thick glasses. Kurt ended his conversation with a smile and a kiss, and turned to him. "Having a good time?"

"These people think I'm with you."

Kurt looked puzzled. "You are with me."

"No. They think I'm with you, with you." Finn raised his eyebrows, and stared at Kurt.

"Ah!" Kurt laughed. "I told you the Armani looked good on you."

"Armani?"

"The suit"

"Oh." Finn frowned. "You told me I looked good, you didn't say I looked gay."

Kurt shrugged. "Same thing."

"Yeah, funny!"

"Kurt, darling, how are you?" A black man, with a French accent and a diamond earring, kissed Kurt on both cheeks, in the European fashion.

Kurt returned the embrace. "Alain."

Alain turned to Finn, extending his hand. "And you are?"

Kurt grinned. "This is Finn Hudson."

"Did you walk for Armani last season?"

"Who me?" Finn was shocked. This guy thought he was a model! "Nah, I'm a teacher."

"Finn's visiting New York."

"Mais, comme c'est interessant. I'd be more than happy to show you around if…" Alain smiled at Kurt. "Kurt is busy." He handed Finn his card. "Call me whenever."

Kurt grinned at Finn as Alain walked away. "I don't think New York is the only thing he wants to show you."

"Yeah, thanks, I got that."

Kurt's eyes went wide, as he glimpsed someone over Finn's shoulder. "Shit! What's he doing here?" Before Finn could ask who he was talking about, Kurt was plastered against his side, his hand caressing Finn's shoulder, his lips feathering against Finn's neck, as he whispered urgently. "Just go with me here." Finn's arm wound around Kurt's waist automatically, trying to keep his balance as Kurt leaned into him.

Kurt nodded and smiled pleasantly, as a young man approached. He didn't move away from Finn, his arm across Finn's back. "Barry, Hi"

"Mr. Hummel" Finn watched as the kid, he had to be 10 or 12 years younger than they were, smiled shyly at Kurt. "I mean, Kurt." Even Finn could see that the kid was good looking, dark curls just a little too long, and green eyes that practically glowed at Kurt. He played with his drink, nervously. "Richard couldn't make it tonight, so he gave me his invitation."

"Is there anyone you haven't met yet, that you'd like me to introduce you to?"

"No, no." The kid's glance slid to Finn. "I don't want to interrupt you."

Kurt looked around the room. "You see that young woman, red hair, Pink Tartan dress?"

Barry looked over his shoulder and nodded.

"She's interning at Harper's. She's in fine arts at NYU. You two should talk."

Barry knew a dismissal when he heard one. "Thanks, Kurt." He dragged his eyes off Kurt, nodded at Finn, and reluctantly headed over to the red head.

"Wow! He's got it bad for you bro."

"Yeah." Kurt stepped away from Finn. "Thanks for the subterfuge. I'm trying to discourage him, without hurting his feelings."

"You're not interested?"

Kurt answered the question in Finn's tone. "Yes, he's attractive and I'm not immune to that. But he's young with a major crush on me, and since I'm only interested in a night…" Kurt smiled, his eyes following Barry. "…maybe two… No." Kurt grimaced at Finn. "It would get complicated. I don't want to watch him pretend he's not hurt, when we see each other at work."

Finn smirked. "You think you're that devastating?"

"No, but he does."

Finn put his hands in his pockets and looked around the room. "You done here?"

Kurt nodded. "Yeah."

"Thank God!" Finn started for the exit before Kurt could change his mind. He pushed the door open, and held it for Kurt. "These people seem to think you're important."

Kurt grinned. "Well, they're fairly intelligent people."

Finn snorted and swatted the back of Kurt's head.

* * *

Finn fought his way out of a bad dream. He opened his eyes, and stared at the ceiling. He had been crying in his dream, chasing after an always just out of reach Kurt. Weird! He turned over, and pulled the covers up. For some reason, his mind kept replaying that moment when Kurt mashed up against him at the charity thing. He fell asleep, still feeling Kurt's lips against his neck.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: Starting Over**

"I think he's doing better." Kurt talked to Carole, while he signed off on the reproduction copy, and handed it to a hovering Daniel. "Because he actually left the house this week." He pointed at his watch, and then at one of the meetings in his appointment calendar, and waved Daniel off. "No, I don't know where he goes. Carole, he's a big boy and I'm not his keeper." He scrolled through his calendar. "New York is not any more dangerous than any other city. Stop worrying. He's fine." Kurt nodded and listened, and nodded. "Yes, I'll tell him. Bye, Carole." He hit end call, and then opened his contact list, and hit Finn's name.

**From Kurt: call your mother she's making me crazy!**

**From Finn: I don't know what to say to her**

**From Kurt: tell her you're fine**

**From Finn: I'm not fine**

**From Kurt: lie**

Kurt turned the sound off on his phone, and went back to work.

* * *

Finn frowned at his phone, and slid it back into his pocket. He'd call his mother later. He was walking... and thinking. The same thing he had done for the last three days; think and walk. Fortunately, New York was a big place.

For the first time in his adult life, he wasn't part of a couple. He didn't have to consider anyone else, read Rachel. He could do whatever he wanted, which was a little scary, actually. After three days of brooding, and mourning his dead relationship, Finn knew one thing for sure. He wasn't going back to Lima.

He couldn't handle going back to his old life, the sympathetic looks and the inevitable questions about Rachel. He had never really decided to stay in Lima, anyway. It had just been a place to wait while Rachel finished touring. Finn smiled grimly, hands in his pockets as he strolled. He didn't have to wait for Rachel anymore; in Lima, or anywhere else.

Emma Schuester had been so understanding, when he had asked for some time off. He really felt bad telling her he wasn't coming back, but the sooner he made the call, the more time she would have to find a permanent replacement. Finn took out his phone, "Principal Schuester, please."

* * *

"Thanks, Emma. I will. Next time I'm in town. I promise." Done. Now what? The choice was entirely his. Where did he want to live? Puck liked California, but that was too far. He didn't want to live in Lima, but he didn't want to be too far away from family, either. Boston was a possibility. Mike and Tina said it was the perfect city, not as crazy busy as New York but big enough to be interesting.

Finn considered various cities as he walked; conscious of his surroundings only subliminally. The loud grating sound of a buzzer pulled him out of his reverie. He found himself across the street from a high school. Kids streamed out of the building; talking to friends, disappearing into the subway.

Finn wasn't much of a believer, at least, not since that whole grilled Jesus weirdness, he wasn't. But, maybe the universe was trying to give him a hint. It couldn't hurt to ask, right? He crossed the street.

* * *

**From Finn: I got dinner**

**From Kurt: let me guess pizza?**

**From Finn: hey! I got U thin crust & veggie stuff**

**From Kurt: Oh so much better**

**From Finn: I'm going to pretend that wasn't sarcasm**

**From Kurt: ;) C U L8R**

* * *

Kurt wiped his hands, and dropped his napkin on his plate. "Did you talk to Carole?"

"Yeah, when I got back this afternoon."

"And?"

"She's still worried." Finn pushed his plate away. "I quit my job. I'm not going back to Lima."

Kurt read the determination on Finn's face. "Okay. Do you know what you want to do?"

Finn sat back in his chair, his smile hesitant. "I'm staying in New York. I'm replacing a teacher out on maternity leave. It's just a subway ride away."

"Finn that's great!" It took a second for the dominoes to click in Kurt's mind. "Oh, my god! You're staying in New York!" Kurt jumped up and hugged Finn. "That's fantastic!"

"Yeah?"

Kurt stepped back. "Of course, yeah. What did you think? I'm thrilled you're going to be here."

Finn took his plate into the kitchen. "So it's OK with you if I stay here until I find a place to live?"

Kurt put his own plate in the dishwasher. "You can get a place on your own if you want to, of course." Kurt closed the dishwasher and leaned against the counter. "Or you could just stay here."

Finn took a beer out of the fridge. "I don't know, man. We're kind of old for the whole room mate thing."

By some unspoken consensus they moved to the living room. Finn picked up the remote but he didn't hit power. "You don't want someone around all the time."

Kurt curled up on what had become his end of the couch. "Actually, it's been nice coming home to something that's a little more verbal than the microwave."

Finn smirked. "You just want Barry to back off."

Kurt threw one of the decorative pillows at him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five: Hello**

Kurt closed the door, and leaned back against it with a sigh of relief. It had been a long day of nothing going right. He checked his watch, and groaned. He had a cocktail/silent auction/charity thing in 2 hours, merde! Coffee, Dior, he needed coffee!

"No way!" Finn's voice rumbled out through laughter.

"I shit you not." Kurt didn't know this voice; male with a thick New York accent. Ah, crap, so not in the mood to make nice to strangers. Kurt entered the kitchen to find Finn sitting at the table, laughing as a small bundle of energy with dark hair and flashing eyes gesticulated wildly. He saw Kurt and stopped abruptly, his hands falling to his sides.

Finn turned. "Kurt, hey." Finn pointed to the man standing by the table. "This is Nathan, he teaches English at Kennedy. Nate, this is my step-brother, Kurt. He's letting me hang here till I find a place of my own."

Nathan smiled and held out his hand to Kurt. "Nathan Singer"

"Kurt Hummel"

By the time Nathan slowly released Kurt's hand, brushing his fingers across Kurt's wrist, two things were obvious; he was gay, and he was interested. Kurt's bad mood evaporated.

Finn kicked a chair out for Kurt. "You're home late."

Kurt flopped down. "Yeah, and I'm not done yet. I've got to show my face at a silent auction charity thing in…" He checked his watch. "…two hours." He smiled at Finn, and pulled his best lost puppy look.

"No."

"We'll leave early, I promise."

Nathan grinned at the exchange between the step-brothers. "What am I missing?"

"Kurt wants to drag me to another one of his charity events." Finn explained to Nathan. "They're boring as hell, the food sucks, and I can't even get a decent beer. All they ever have is some fancy foreign crap."

Kurt turned to Nathan. "If I go alone, people feel free to bother me all night with stuff that I'd really rather deal with during office hours."

"What's the event tonight?"

"A silent auction, with the proceeds going to The Trevor Project."

"The Trevor Project does good work." Nathan smiled at Kurt.

"They do." Kurt scanned the man in front of him. He had great hair, and long eyelashes. He was short, maybe 5'7", slender but not, Kurt's eyes dipped to Nathan's crotch, where it counted. Even sitting still, the other man radiated compressed energy. Kurt wondered what all that vitality would be like in his bed. "Would you like to come? It's usually a hot spot for celebrity sightings."

"Yes! I'd love to." Nathan turned to Finn. "You sure you don't want to go?"

Finn snorted. "When I could spend the evening, with my feet up, in front of a basketball game? I don't think so!"

Nathan laughed and sprang up. "I've got to go home and change."

Kurt stood, and took out his phone. "Give me your number, and I'll text you the address. You can meet me there."

They exchanged numbers, and slipped their phones away. Finn and Kurt walked Nathan to the door. Nathan nodded at Finn. "See you tomorrow." He turned to Kurt. "Nine o'clock, right?"

"There's a large metal sculpture in front of the building, I'll meet you there."

Kurt closed the door behind Nathan, and grinned at Finn. "Well, Finn Hudson, if you're going to keep bringing goodies home from work, you can stay here forever."

* * *

Finn spent his evening doing exactly what he had wanted to do; drink beer, munch his way through a bag of Cheetos, and watch basketball. This was his idea of a perfect night, so why couldn't he relax and enjoy the game? His eyes moved from the digital clock on the PVR to the analog on his wrist. He watched most of the game on replay because he just couldn't focus. He kept wondering what Kurt was doing, when he was coming home, if he was coming home.

The game ended and he didn't even notice. He sat through the news, not waiting for Kurt. At midnight, he turned the TV off, and went to bed. He tossed and turned, and told himself he wasn't listening for the door. At 2 AM, he punched his pillow, and rolled over onto his side. What the fuck was wrong with him? Kurt was a grown man, and if he wanted to stay out all night, and fuck every English teacher in New York, it wasn't any of his business.

* * *

Finn was on his second cup of coffee, when he heard the front door open. He looked up from the newspaper, his eyes widening in surprise. He had never seen Kurt this disheveled. His hair looked like half of Manhattan had run their fingers through it. His shirt was unbuttoned half way down his chest, and he needed a shave. "Rough night?"

Kurt threw his jacket on the kitchen counter. "Not for me. Any coffee left?"

Finn nodded at the coffee maker, and watched as Kurt stirred in double the amount of sugar he usually used, and drank down half the cup at once. "Gotta go. See you tonight."

Finn went back to his paper, but his mind wasn't absorbing the printed word anymore. It was busy trying to block the scenarios that had hijacked his brain. _Rough night? Not for me._ What the hell did he mean by that?

* * *

Nathan was grading papers in the teacher's lounge, when Finn popped in for a coffee during his third period spare. "Hey, how was the Trevor thing?"

"Amazing! Lady Gaga was there." Nathan taped his pen on the table. "You didn't tell me that your Kurt Hummel was THE Kurt Hummel."

Finn sipped his coffee. "He's THE Kurt Hummel?"

Nathan nodded. "He's the vision behind "Male App". He knows everyone!"

"You must have had a good time, considering that Kurt never came home last night." Finn smiled to show that he was just teasing.

Colour crawled up Nathan's neck, and flooded his face. "Yeah, I did. You're step-brother's …."

"Nice?"

Nathan looked around the room, and then spoke low. "HOT!"

Finn almost choked on his coffee. He stood up, clapped Nathan on the shoulder. "I'm glad you had fun. See you later."

"Yep. " Nathan went back to marking his papers as Finn put his empty cup in the sink, and left the lounge. Walking to his classroom, Nathan's voice echoed in Finn's mind. His softly whispered "Hot" repeated in the background of a video starring one Kurt Hummel circa earlier that morning, hair messy and shirt undone.

"Mr. Hudson?"

Finn had to literally shake his head, to dislodge Kurt's image, before he could focus on the student in front of him.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six: Of Course, He's Happy**

Finn settled into his side of the couch, beer on the coffee table, remote in hand. He flicked through the sports channels with a distinct lack of zest. It just wasn't the same watching ESPN without Kurt. Not that Kurt actually watched sports, but Finn got a kick out of the snarky comments his step-brother felt compelled to make. He grinned remembering what Kurt had to say that time he came out of the kitchen, with a mug of hot chocolate for each of them, and found Finn watching wrestling.

It had been a long time since they had all lived together, back in Lima. Finn had forgotten how often Kurt had made him laugh. He was surprised at how much he missed Kurt, now that his step-brother was almost never home. He was either working, or with Nathan. Finn was happy for him. Of course, he was happy for Kurt. He just missed him, that's all. He should probably get out more himself, it's not like there weren't any single women at his school, but he just couldn't dredge up the interest.

Finn turned as the front door opened. "Hey, what are you doing here?"

Kurt ruffled Finn's hair as he passed him on his way to the kitchen. "Missed me?"

"Yeah, I did actually."

Kurt curled up on his end of the sofa, diet coke in hand. "Well, rejoice, cause I'm home for the next three days." Kurt took a swig of soda. "Nathan's making sure no one gets pregnant on a school trip to Washington."

"Right, I saw the sign-up sheets around school." Finn turned the sound down on the TV. "So, you guys are good?"

"Yeah." Kurt smiled. "It's been years since I was with someone who wasn't in the industry. It's nice when I finally get out of the office, to not talk about fashion." Kurt nudged Finn with his foot. "You know, kind of like being with you …" Kurt laughed. "… but with sex." Kurt stretched over to put his coke on the coffee table. "So, what's been happening in the wild and hormonal world of my favourite public high school?"

"Oh, you know, the usual; giggling, gossip, anxiety attacks. I took a joint off a freshman in the boy's washroom yesterday." Finn shook his head. "Kid looked about 11."

Kurt laughed. "I looked about 12 back then, on a good day, if I was wearing boots with heels."

Finn nodded. "Yeah, I remember." He also remembered that Kurt had a crush on him back then. "Do you ever miss the old days?"

"God, NO!" Kurt shuddered. "I love my job. I like having people around who actually respect my opinion. I like not having to worry that some guy's going to punch me if I stare at him too long."

Finn teased. "Sure you don't miss the dumpster dives?"

Kurt snorted. "Sure you don't miss the slushies?" Kurt stole the remote and scrolled through the movie selections.

Finn sipped his beer. Something tugged at the back of his mind. "Kurt?"

"Hmmm?"

"Remember that first night you were with Nathan, you came home in the morning and I was in the kitchen?"

Kurt stopped scrolling and gave Finn his full attention. "Yeah?"

"I said 'rough night?', and you said, 'not for me.'" Finn rubbed the back of his neck. "What did you mean?"

Kurt waved a hand in dismissal. "Nothing, I can be a little indiscrete when I'm sleep deprived."

Finn stared at Kurt while he processed that. "Nathan likes it rough?"

Kurt lowered his eyes. "I didn't say that." Kurt started scrolling again. "It's not that unusual. I've had quite a few lovers over the years that had certain kinks."

Finn couldn't take his eyes off Kurt, as images flooded his brain. "Why do I feel that you know a lot about this?"

Kurt laughed. "I don't know. Why do you feel that I know a lot about this?" Kurt mocked glared. "And if you even think of saying it's because I'm a degenerate fag, I'm siccing Carole on you!"

Finn laughed. "I'll call Barry and tell him you're interested."

"Ah, too late. Barry's found the love of his life, and it's not me, thank Dior!"

Kurt selected a sci-fi movie. "This O.K. with you?"

"Yeah, I haven't seen this one." Finn watched the screen, mind filled with images of Nathan and Kurt. The words slipped out quietly, before he knew he was going to say them. "I don't know anything about that kind of stuff."

Kurt turned. "Do you want to know?"

"Maybe."

"Well, there are a lot of women out there. You're not with Rachel anymore, you can explore a bit, right?"

"Yeah, right."

* * *

But in bed, that night, when Finn thought about exploring, he didn't see himself with some as yet unknown woman. He saw himself with Kurt.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven: WTF?**

It was 9:30 PM when Kurt finally dragged himself through the front door. Finn heard Kurt's keys hit the bowl on the side table and popped his head out of the kitchen. "Hey, what do they do? Chain you to your desk?"

Kurt practically fell into a kitchen chair. "Coffee."

Finn scanned Kurt's exhausted face. "You sure that's a good idea?"

Kurt scrubbed his hand over his eyes. "Yeah, you're right. Make it decaf." He yawned. "Please."

Finn got the decaf, and played with the coffee maker. "So? What happened?"

"Oh, please! What didn't happen? The model was late. The Denis Gagnon samples never arrived, and the photographer quit. Just another wonderful day of crisis management." Kurt stood, and stretched. "I've got to get out of these clothes." On his way out of the kitchen, he added. "Milk, one sugar."

Finn nodded. "I know, dude. I live here, remember."

Kurt yawned again. "Thanks, Finn."

* * *

Kurt looked fractionally better, after his shower. Wearing an old T-shirt and sleep pants, his hair still wet, he wrapped the cashmere throw around himself and curled into his corner of the couch. Finn handed him his coffee. "This hot enough? I can zap it for you."

Kurt held his mug and breathed in the coffee scent. "It's fine." He looked at the screen. "What are you watching?"

"Game of Thrones."

Kurt nodded and sipped his coffee in silence. He put his mug down on the coffee table, and laid his head against the back of the couch. His eyelids went to half-mast.

"You should go to bed."

"Too tired to move."

Finn pulled one of the pillows onto his lap. "Here, lie down at least."

Kurt slid down into Finn's lap, his head on the pillow, and sighed contentedly. Finn put an arm around Kurt's shoulders, and tugged the throw into place.

* * *

Game of Thrones ended but Kurt was asleep, and Finn didn't want to wake him. He watched the news, and then caught Leno's monologue. He clicked the TV off at midnight, and watched the sleeping man in his lap. He sifted his fingers through Kurt's almost dry hair, and slid them down the side of his neck. Kurt opened his eyes and blinked up at Finn, still half asleep.

Finn wasn't really thinking anything. _God, his eyes are gorgeous_, doesn't count as thinking. He leaned down and kissed Kurt. Kurt's lips opened, and his tongue reached for Finn's. His arm came up to hold the back of Finn's neck. Finn slid lower on the couch, slipping under Kurt, bringing Kurt's body over his own. Kurt took Finn's mouth like owned it. Finn's hands moved over Kurt's back, and locked onto his ass.

Kurt jerked back; fully awake now, and jumped off the couch. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Kurt I …"

Lightning was flashing in Kurt's eyes. He didn't give Finn a chance to say anything. "You must really need to get laid, if you're coming on to me."

"Kurt, that's not it. I … "

"No, I don't want to hear it. This didn't happen. You're going to school tomorrow and you're asking the first single woman you see out." Kurt leaned over Finn, furious. "Do you hear me, Finn Hudson?"

"Yeah, I hear you, Kurt." Finn sat up and nodded.

Kurt backed off. "O.K. Good night."

* * *

Finn dropped his head into his hands. Fuck! What a mess! He hadn't seen Kurt that mad, ever. Even when they had that big fight over the redecorating, Finn had been the one screaming. Kurt hadn't said a word. He hadn't said much tonight either, but he had said enough. Fuck! What had he done?

Maybe Kurt was right. It had been a long time since … well, since Rachel. Maybe it was just pent up hormones. Finn threw his clothes in the hamper, brushed his teeth, and climbed into bed. O.K. fine, he'd do what he had promised Kurt he would. He'd find a woman and get laid.

Finn buried his head in his pillow. The second his eyes closed, he felt Kurt again, and he groaned. God! That had been fucking amazing!

Finn pulled the blanket over his head. Kurt had to be wrong about this. He had to be, because how the fuck was any woman going to feel like Kurt? No woman, no person could kiss him like Kurt did. No one.

Finn flipped over, and stared at the ceiling. What the fuck was he going to do?


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight: A Kurt Thing**

Kurt was already gone when Finn staggered in to the kitchen the next morning. His head hurt, his eyes burned; he hadn't gotten much sleep at all. He swallowed Tylenol with his coffee. He leaned against the counter and wrote a To-Do list in his mind.

1. Find a woman

2. Get laid

3. Apologize to Kurt

Game plan in place, Finn felt better. He turned the shower on full strength, letting the water pound his back and shoulders. Now, all he had to do was erase the memory of Kurt's touch, of his body, of his mouth. Finn slumped against the shower wall. Fuck! He looked down. His dick had its own agenda. It was calling Kurt's name. Fuck!

* * *

Determined to keep his promise, Finn asked the first woman he saw out. Well, not the first woman. The first woman he saw was Mrs. Chaneck, the school secretary who was like five minutes away from retiring. Karen was the first woman he saw, who was about his age, and single. She didn't look anything like Rachel, which was a bonus as far as Finn was concerned.

Karen was funny, with a quick, dry wit that Kurt would appreciate. When that thought crossed his mind, Finn wanted to bang his head on the table, right there in the restaurant. He was so screwed! If he could sit across from a woman, who was smiling at him, sending 'green for go' signals, and still think about Kurt… yeah, so not just misplaced lust.

Even though he knew it was useless, Finn gave it the old college try. They finished dinner, saw a movie, and took the subway back to her place. He held her hand, and listened, and laughed in all the right places. She asked him in for 'coffee', and he held her close. She was warm and soft in his arms, her body moving against his, her hair a scented caress across his skin. She was absolutely perfect, and absolutely wrong, because she wasn't Kurt.

Her legs were around his hips, her hands digging into his back. Sighs and gasps fell from her lips … and nothing. He stared down, into her eyes, and erased them. He replaced them with Kurt's eyes, and Kurt's lips, and finally! Thank you God, his dick got interested.

* * *

Finn was up and dressed early, eager to talk to Kurt, to convince him; to argue, and plead, and beg. It wasn't a 'haven't had sex in a while' thing, it was a Kurt thing. He had to make Kurt understand that.

About to enter the kitchen, Finn stopped so quickly he stumbled. Kurt's voice, as he talked on his cell, set tremors off in Finn's spine. "I know what you need." Kurt stood at the kitchen table, one hand on his iPad, one holding his cell phone to his ear. His voice was dark, starkly carnal. "Tonight, Nathan." Kurt nodded; his back to Finn. "I promise."

_Fuck! He had totally forgotten Nathan. Kurt was with Nathan. Kurt was happy with Nathan. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_

Kurt slipped his phone away, and turned. He smiled at Finn, as he grabbed his iPad. "Good Morning, stud! How was last night?"

Just one look at Kurt; happy, a smile on his face, and laughter in his eyes, and Finn knew he wasn't going to say anything. "Good." He made himself smile. "You were right. It's time to get back in the game."

Kurt laughed and ruffled Finn's hair as he passed him, on his way out of the kitchen. "I'm always right, Finn Hudson. When are you going to accept that?"

Finn got out a cereal bowl, and called after Kurt. "Right about the time you get your first botox treatment."

"Hah!" Finn heard Kurt's bark of laughter. "**I,** am going to grow old with dignity."

The front door slammed, and Finn stopped pretending to get breakfast. How was he going to do this? How could he go back to only seeing Kurt as a friend? How could he hide everything he felt, everything he wanted, from Kurt?

* * *

Finn had to pretend with Kurt, but he couldn't pretend with Karen. It wasn't fair to her, and he just wasn't that good an actor. He tracked Karen down at the end of the day, in her classroom. She saw him standing in the doorway, and smiled. "Hey, Finn."

Finn closed the door, and walked over to her desk. She watched him walk closer, and the smile on her face faded away. "Oh, no. This isn't going to be good, is it?"

Finn sat on a corner of the desk. "Karen, I had a good time last night…"

She leaned back in her chair. "But…"

Finn nodded. "But there's someone else."

Karen just stared at him, and Finn felt like scum. "You didn't know there was someone else before you asked me out?"

Finn sighed. "It's complicated."

"It's always complicated." She waved her hands, indicating the empty room. "I've got time. Explain it to me."

Oddly enough, Finn wanted to tell her. He needed to talk to someone. "You want to hear a long, sad, sob story?"

"I do. Especially, if it means that in this case, 'it's not you, it's me' is actually true."

Finn laughed. "You want to get some coffee? Somewhere where students don't roam the corridors?"

Karen stood, and grabbed her bag. "Hummm, like that, is it?"

Finn held the door open for her. "Yep."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9: Move Over**

It had been three months. It wasn't getting easy, exactly, but it was becoming habitual, almost automatic. He had trained himself to stay at least two feet away from Kurt at all times. To laugh, and smile, and pretend that friendship was all he wanted. Fuck! He even managed to be nice to Nathan, most of the time.

Between work and the gym he joined, he had met a few people. So he wasn't home every night, which helped with the whole 'don't jump Kurt' plan. He played basketball a few times a week with guys from school. He hired a personal trainer. He helped Karen out with her pet student projects. If Kurt thought the time he spent with Karen was dating, well, that enforced the illusion.

And it was an illusion, a Vegas Act worthy illusion, because he thought about Kurt all the time. He dreamt about Kurt. He needed to see him, and he needed not to see him. It was driving him crazy. If he had any sense of self-preservation at all, he would move out. He could. He should.

Who was he kidding? He wasn't going anywhere. He needed to see Kurt the way addicts need their drug. There was always the possibility that one day, Kurt would dump Nathan and decide that he wanted Finn. Right! Like that kind of thing happened outside a made-for-TV movie! God, he was so pathetic!

* * *

Finn shut the front door. If he started now, he could have the tests from his three biology classes graded before the hockey game started. He spread the papers out on the kitchen table, and grabbed a coke. He pulled the tab, and started on the first test in the pile. He was half way through the third test when he realized he was humming. Humming to music so low it was almost subliminal. Huh? He looked around the kitchen, and then stood and checked the living room, nope. He walked down the hall towards the bedrooms, and the sound got louder. He didn't know the song, but he recognized the style. That's the kind of stuff Kurt listened to when he was upset.

He wasn't at all surprised to find, that the music was coming from inside Kurt's room. He was surprised, to find the other man home so early. He knocked on the door, no response. O.K. not good. "Kurt?" Nothing; just that soul wrenching music that carried sadness in its rhythm. Finn pushed the door open. The room was dark. Kurt was standing at the window; hands in his pockets, head bowed.

Finn walked over and sat on the bed. Kurt didn't say anything. "What happened?" Finn waited, wondering if Kurt was ever going to answer.

Kurt leaned his shoulder against the window sill, and closed his eyes. "What always happens?"

Finn thought the question was rhetorical, but he answered anyway. "People fuck up?"

Kurt actually laughed, but it sounded painful. "Yeah!" He turned to Finn, back against the wall, hugging himself as if he were cold. "I fucked up."

Finn watched Kurt, and waited for the rest of the story. Kurt started to pace. "I broke up with Nathan."

The words were white noise, meaningless static, and then Finn had to clench his hands together to keep from pulling Kurt down on to the bed. _Focus! This isn't about you!_ "Why?"

Kurt dropped down into the arm chair across from Finn. "He wanted to live together."

"And that's a problem?"

"Not exactly." Kurt looked at Finn, and tried to explain it to him, to himself. "He said, 'We're good together. You spend half your time at my place anyway. Why don't you move in?' He's right. We are good together. I almost said yes." Kurt stood, and wandered around the room, fingers flitting over books and picture frames. "He made it sound casual, and practical, but that wasn't it….not for him. I saw it in his eyes. He didn't say it." Kurt stood still, and held Finn's eyes from across the room. "He didn't say it, but it was there between us. He wants commitment, he wants forever." Kurt looked down at his hands, and then back at Finn. "He loves me, and I don't love him. I look into the future, and he's not there." Kurt dropped back into the armchair, and ran his hands through his hair. "I tried, Finn. I like him, we're good together. He's a great guy. But, he's not that person for me. I just don't see the rest of my life with him. I can't keep seeing him, when I know he wants more." Kurt looked destroyed. "Why is this so hard?"

"I'm sorry." Finn didn't say anything else. They sat in silence. Finn remembered how he felt when he finally knew that he and Rachel didn't want the same things and never would. He stood up. "Come on, we're getting you trashed."

"Does it help?"

"No."

"Okay."

* * *

Finn fumbled for his phone; 2:17 AM. He had put Kurt to bed with Advil and a glass of water, over two hours ago. He had assumed that the amount of alcohol Kurt had ingested would keep him comatose till morning, apparently not.

Finn sighed and hauled himself out of bed. He walked into Kurt's room, found his iPod and turned the soul crushing dirge music off. He pulled the covers back. "Move over."

Kurt shuffled to one side. Finn climbed into bed, and tugged Kurt into his arms. He pulled the covers up around them. "Stop thinking. Go to sleep."

Kurt's voice was soft, his words whispered into the dark. "I want a forever someone."

"I know. You'll find him"


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten: Idiot**

Kurt had never been happier that his job was a roller coaster of one emergency after the other. It kept him from thinking about the empty space in his life where Nathan used to be. It had been three weeks and the instinct to text Nathan, the random thoughts that Nathan would like this, or I've got to tell Nathan about that, the images of Nathan as he fell asleep or laughed when Kurt went into complaining bitch mode, the way he felt when… god! Nothing helped with that.

Finn dragged Kurt to his gym. He promised that working out would make Kurt feel better, something about endorphins. A bit of an oversell, but it did define his muscles slightly, and while he was counting laps and reps, he wasn't missing Nathan so, yeah, he didn't complain about the gym too much. Finn was almost single-handedly saving Kurt's sanity. He listened. He didn't try and tell Kurt how to fix his life. He just listened. He also lied through his teeth, when Kurt wasn't up to talking to Burt. Kurt owed him big time.

* * *

Kurt was better. No more late night rants. He had stopped playing that dark, 'just put me out of my misery' music. He actually answered the phone when Burt called. Finn knew the old Kurt was finally back when he came home from work one night, threw his keys in the bowl on the hall table, and started to snark at Finn for watching the Ultimate Fight Club. He stood there, one hand on his hip, his head tilted slightly, his eyes lit with a teasing glint, slinging sarcastic darts at him, and Finn had to restrain himself from leaping over the couch and tackling him to the floor.

Finn was actually a double agent; he had to watch both Kurt and Nathan recover from the break-up. At school, Nathan avoided him for a while, eyes full of hurt. The weeks went by and Nathan stopped sneaking out of the teacher's lounge, whenever Finn was there. They shared coffee breaks and the odd spare period, and soon they were back to being the friends they had been before the break-up.

* * *

Finn and Kurt hit the showers at the gym, after their work out. Kurt toweled his hair dry. "So, what's new at hormonal high?"

Finn pulled an old, soft with age, sweatshirt over his head. "Well, there's a new guy, math teacher, just out of school." Finn sat on the bench to tie up his runners. "He's pretty quiet but he spends a lot of time with Nathan."

Kurt's fingers hesitated over the buttons on his shirt. "Oh?"

"Yeah, they haven't said, but I think there's something there." Finn watched Kurt carefully. He hadn't been sure that Kurt was ready to know this. "You okay?"

Kurt grabbed his gym bag, and shoved his work-out gear and wet towel in it. "I wish it had worked with us, but …" Kurt looked at Finn and smiled. "…I'm glad for him."

* * *

Kurt walked in the door just as Finn was walking out. "Basketball, see you later."

Kurt changed and read the labels in the freezer. He picked something shrimp, and zapped it. He found a fork, poured a glass of wine, and ate out of the container while he watched Downton Abbey. Later, turning channels, Kurt stopped to watch an unknown couple from a movie he'd never seen, scream at each other. "I know we're friends, fuck, we've been friends most of our lives. I know. I was there. Haven't you ever heard of friends with benefits?"

Kurt stopped flicking through the channels, the remote forgotten in his hand. His own words came back to him, carved in crystal. Forever ago, sitting right here on this couch, he had said to Finn, "You know, kind of like being with you…but, with sex." His mind played connect-the-dots. Images of Finn collided, one on top of the other, and then reformed in a different configuration.

The last image, the one that made him think this could work, was of the two of them here on the couch. The night he had fallen asleep, and woke to Finn kissing him. He had pushed the memory away months ago, but it was there now. He could practically feel it; Finn sliding down on the couch, pulling Kurt on top of him. He remembered how their mouths had locked, their tongues searching. Finn's hands gliding down his back, squeezing his ass. He remembered how hard Finn had felt beneath him, how good it had been before he decided it couldn't happen.

Kurt put his wine glass in the dishwasher. But it could happen now. Now, that there was no Nathan, no Rachel. Oh, yes, it could happen now.

* * *

Finn closed the door, and threw his keys down beside Kurt's. "Hey." He kicked his gym bag down the hall, apparently, under the impression that it was a football. Hair still wet from his after basketball shower, he flopped down beside Kurt. "True Bood?"

"Want me to rewind, you haven't missed much."

"Yeah." He nodded at the bag of chips in Kurt's hand. "I can report you to the health police for that, you know."

"Shut up, they're baked."

Finn snorted. "Of course!" He grabbed a handful. "Better than nothing."

"Please, feel free to not eat my chips!"

Finn laughed and took another handful.

* * *

Kurt turned the TV off, but he made no move to get up. His fingers played nervously with the remote.

"What?" Kurt wasn't the fidgety type, and the fact that he wasn't saying anything set Finn's alarms off. "What?"

"There was a movie on earlier, 'Friends with Benefits'. I was thinking…"

Finn swallowed. "Us?"

Kurt couldn't look at Finn. "Well, if you…"

Kurt never saw it coming. He didn't know anyone could move that fast. Finn grabbed his shoulders, twisted them both, and pulled. The next thing Kurt knew, he was on top of Finn, on the floor, and Finn's hands were in his hair. "Yes, yes, yes. Great idea. Yes." The words fell out of Finn's mouth in between kisses.

Kurt pulled back, and pushed himself away from Finn. "You sure? This isn't too weird? Step-brothers?"

Finn looked up at Kurt, his fingers tracing Kurt's lips. "Anyone ever tell you, you talk too much?" He slipped his hands under Kurt's T-shirt, long warm strokes, from shoulder to waist. Kurt arched into the touch, pressing his pelvis against Finn. Finn groaned and thrust up, and there wasn't any more talking.

They made it to Kurt's bed eventually; grabbing, and kissing, and grinding against each other. Falling against the wall in the hallway, as they tried to touch, and walk, and tear their clothes off, all at the same time.

Kurt tried to slow things down. "Finn, Finn, we've got all night. What's the rush?"

Finn kicked his shoes off. "Are you fucking kidding me?" He pushed his jeans and underwear down and off. He reached for Kurt's sleep pants, and pulled them off. He tugged Kurt close, skin to skin. "I've been waiting, wanting this for fucking ever. We can go slow next time!" He opened the drawer in Kurt's bedside table. He handed the lube and a condom to Kurt, and spread himself out on his back on the bed.

Kurt stood by the bed, taking in the view. All 6' 2" of Finn Hudson spread out on his bed was quite a sight. Finn's hand stroked Kurt's hip, and thigh. It curled around his hip, and clenched into his ass. "You going to stand there all night?"

Finn wasn't the only one who could move fast. Kurt was between Finn's legs, leaning over him, their cocks rubbing together as Kurt licked into Finn's mouth. Finn arched up into Kurt, moaning and muttering, "Good, you feel so good!"

Kurt knelt up between Finn's legs, and popped the top on the lube. He slicked his fingers. "Pull your legs back." Kurt licked one long stroke up Finn's cock, and rubbed his fingers over Finn's anus. Finn tossed his head on the bed, and grabbed the sheets in his fists. "Jesus! Kurt! Fuck!"

Finn was vibrating with impatience and need, his hands grabbing Kurt's hips, trying to pull him closer. Kurt sucked along the length of Finn's cock, not trying to get him off, just distracting him, while he inserted first one, then two fingers, stretching him. Finn didn't know, but Kurt did, some things couldn't be rushed, at least, not the first time.

When Kurt switched to three fingers, Finn gasped and arched his back. Kurt pulled off Finn's cock, and watched Finn's face as he flexed his fingers inside him. Finn stared back at Kurt, his eyes wide with surprise and arousal. "What's … god! That feels so…Fuck!" Finn moved back on Kurt's fingers. "Now, Kurt. Please. Fuck! Now!"

That was all Kurt needed to hear. He tore open the condom, and slicked up. He pulled Finn's legs over his shoulders, and lined up. He pushed slowly, letting Finn's body adjust. And then not slow; fast, hard. Reaching between them, he wrapped his hand around Finn's cock. Finn touched anywhere he could reach, finally settling on Kurt's ass, pulling him as close as possible. His fingers slipped between Kurt's ass cheeks, and stroked over his hole. Kurt snapped his hips, into Finn and back against his fingers. He tightened his grip on Finn's cock, stroking over the head. Finn lost it, his body pulsing around Kurt, one finger slipping into Kurt, and Kurt was done.

* * *

Kurt ditched the condom, grabbed his T-shirt and wiped Finn clean. He lay down beside Finn, his head on Finn's shoulder, one arm over Finn's chest.

Finn ran his fingers over Kurt's back. "God, that took you long enough. I was so afraid that you were never going to want this."

Kurt tilted his head, to look at Finn. "Me? Last time I checked, you were straight."

"Yeah, well, that was before you plastered yourself against me, trying to discourage Barry."

Kurt came up on one elbow, staring at Finn. "Really? Since then? But that was …"

"Fucking forever ago." Finn groaned. "Believe me, I know."

Kurt slid down again, fingers moving across Finn's nipple, trying to wrap his mind around the fact that Finn had been wanting this for so long.

They were quiet for quite a while, each lost in their separate thoughts.

"Tomorrow night…" Finn spoke hesitantly, feeling as shy as he had as a teenager. "Can you show me what you meant by rough?"

Kurt's face was incredulous, as he sat up and stared at Finn. His voice climbed to the stratosphere in surprise. "Tomorrow night?"

Finn winced, and his face shut down. He swung his legs out of bed. "Sorry, my mistake."

Kurt lunged, one arm tight around Finn's chest, the other arm swinging a smack to the back of Finn's head. "Idiot!" He tugged and Finn fell back onto the bed, looking up at Kurt with hurt eyes. "You think I'm dumping you after one fuck?" Kurt smiled and trailed a finger down Finn's chest. "What I meant, idiot, was what the hell makes you think we're waiting till tomorrow night?" Kurt tucked himself against Finn's side, his head on Finn's shoulder. "Just give me 20 minutes and I'll show you anything you want."

Finn's arms curled around Kurt, and he nuzzled his face into Kurt's hair. "Good."

Here's the weird thing about him and Kurt. Every time Kurt said, "idiot" Finn heard "I love you." Weird, right?


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven: Show Me**

Kurt trailed a hand over Finn's hip, tracing the curve, one gentle stroke after another. Finn's hand played in Kurt's hair, absorbing the wonder of holding Kurt close like this.

"So, you watched a movie, and suddenly we're lovers?"

Kurt tilted his head back to see Finn's face, to see the uncertainty that he was trying to hide. He reached up and touched Finn's lips. He smiled when Finn grabbed his hand and held it over his heart. "You want to know why?"

"Yes. Why me? Why now?" Finn turned on to his side, his fingers plucking at the sheets, not quite looking at Kurt, bracing himself for whatever his almost brother might say.

Kurt sighed and sat up, sitting cross legged, facing Finn. "The movie gave me the idea, yes. But if you think I would have asked anyone else, you're wrong. Only you, Finn Hudson, could make a silly rom-com plot seem like a good plan." Kurt hooked a finger under Finn's chin, making the other man look at him. "I thought about you, and how close we are, and how much I care about you." Kurt smiled, and gave a half shrug. "I also remembered that night on the couch, when you kissed me."

"Yeah?" Finn smiled, his eyes searching Kurt's.

Kurt nodded. "Yeah"

"You kissed me back, Kurt."

"I did."

Finn took Kurt's hand, and tugged him down, beside him. "That was the only thing that gave me hope, all these months, the way you responded to that kiss." Finn looked into Kurt's eyes. "The way you responded to me."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Are you nuts? Dude, you told me to get laid. And there was Nathan, and you were happy with him. And then you were getting over him. And …"

Kurt laughed, pushed Finn onto his back, and tucked himself against the taller man. "Okay, Okay, I get it."

Finn nuzzled into Kurt's neck. "I would have tried something eventually, although, I probably would have gotten you drunk first."

"Nice, Hudson!" Kurt smacked Finn's thigh, and Finn laughed. Kurt smiled, his head on Finn's chest, feeling the laughter rumble under his head.

The jesting slap made Kurt remember Finn's request. He slid a few inches away from Finn, stretched out on his side, elbow bent, head resting in his hand, facing Finn. "You wanted to know about rough?"

Finn tinted pink in embarrassment. "Yes."

Kurt was curious. "You've always been interested? Cause I can't quite see Rachel going there."

Finn snorted. "God, no! Not Rachel, not anyone really. I've just been thinking about it lately."

"Really? Since when?"

"Uh, since the morning you came home and I asked if it had been a rough night and you said, 'not for me'"

Kurt smirked. "Are you trying to say that I'm a corrupting influence?"

Finn grinned. "Well you could see it that way, or you could say that you're helping me explore my sensual nature."

"Yes, let's go with that." Kurt reached out and touched Finn's knee. He ran his hand up Finn's inner thigh. "You sure?"

Finn nodded. "Yeah."

"Now?"

Finn nodded, speechless as he watched Kurt's Caribbean blue eyes turn to stormy Atlantic grey.

Kurt nodded. "O.K." He slid off the bed, and walked over to his closet. He returned with a tie, and a sash which if Finn had to guess, he'd say belonged to a bath robe. He placed both on the bed beside Finn. He pulled his desk chair away from his desk, and turning it, placed it in the center of the room. "Sit."

Finn sat; his spine straight against the horizontal slats of the wooden chair back. Kurt picked up the tie and held it between his hands. "Do you trust me?"

Finn didn't even have to think about it. "Of course."

Kurt walked around the chair, behind Finn. He bent and kissed a line across Finn's back from one shoulder to the other. "Give me your hands."

Finn pushed his arms back, behind the chair. Kurt gathered both wrists in one hand. He spoke as he bound them together with the tie. "This can get elaborate, with scenes and safe words, but we're going to keep it simple. We're exploring. If it's not what you imagined, if it's not what you want. Just say stop." Kurt came around the chair, and stood in front of Finn. "You don't have to think about anything. You don't have to think about me, or what I want. It's just you and how you feel. You like it or you don't."

Kurt took the sash from the bed. "I'm going to blindfold you. It makes everything more intense."

Finn swallowed, his eyes wide with apprehension, but he wasn't going to quit before he even started. He really had to know. He looked up at Kurt, his smile tremulous. "Okay."

Kurt tilted Finn's chin up, and dropped a quick kiss on his lips. He walked behind the chair, and knotted the sash at the back of Finn's head. Leaning over Finn, his hands on Finn's shoulders, Kurt kissed down the side of Finn's neck. He ran his hands down each of Finn's arms, to where they were tied at the wrist. He bit tiny bites into Finn's biceps, and then licked the bites soothing them.

Blindfolded, Kurt's hands became Finn's whole world. And then those hands were gone, and Finn felt abandoned. "Kurt?" There was no answer, Finn's heart started to double beat. He heard the sound of a drawer sliding open, the rustle of clothing, the drawer sliding shut, and finally, Kurt's feet on the hardwood floor coming back to him. Something soft moved against his cheek, down his neck, across one shoulder, soft tendrils ghosting over his skin.

Finn gasped at the sharp sting, surprised at the unexpected pain. Before his mind could make sense of it, the slight pain had dissipated, replaced by warmth. The softness trailed across his chest, and then the sting, just over his left nipple. Fuck! Kurt was actually hitting him. It didn't hurt, not really, but he couldn't believe it. His mind stuttered, confused. He didn't know if he liked this. Softness again, across his chest, followed by the sharp sting, this time over his right nipple. Warmth spread across his chest, his skin heating everywhere the sting touched.

Before Finn could process any of this, another new sensation; hot, wet. Kurt's lips, his tongue pulling on his nipple. Finn's head went back, his mouth opening on a groan.

"That's it, babe. Don't think, just feel." Kurt whispered against his ear, his voice dark, promising, enticing.

"Kurt!"

"I'm right here, babe." Kurt trailed his lips down Finn's ribs. He moved down Finn's body, alternating the sensations in an irregular pattern so Finn never knew which was coming next. Finn didn't care, the soft glide, the sharp sting, the heat of Kurt's mouth; they all blended into the most arousing touch Finn had ever known. Together, they turned his body into fire.

Kurt watched Finn's reactions, as Finn became more aroused, Kurt increased the intensity. He worked down Finn's chest, sending stinging bites onto Finn's abdomen, and upper thighs. Finn was moaning softly; his legs twitching, his cock hard. Kurt slid the soft tendrils over Finn's cock. "Kurt! Fuck!"

Finn heard something hit the floor, and then the sash was ripped off his eyes. Kurt was on his lap, his tongue pushing into Finn's mouth, one hand wrapped around both their cocks, sliding them together, pumping them as one. Finn's hands were still tied behind the chair, he couldn't touch Kurt. He gave himself up to Kurt, shattered by this erotic torment.

Kurt broke the kiss, and stared into Finn's eyes. "Come for me."

Kurt's words sank into Finn's skin. He shouted Kurt's name, and came, his head falling onto Kurt's shoulder. Kurt felt Finn's spunk flow over his hand, and slid into his own release.

"Holy Shit!" Finn lifted his head, to stare at Kurt. "Who are you?"

Kurt laughed. "Your lover?"

Finn smirked. "Damn right! Now untie me, I want to hold you."

Kurt laughed and slid off Finn's lap.

* * *

Curled up in bed, they fell asleep holding each other. Finn woke first. He turned on his side to watch Kurt sleep. Even asleep, his sparkling eyes closed, he was beautiful. How did he get so lucky? He reached out to glide his hand softly over Kurt's temple. Kurt snuggled into his hand, like a kitten. Finn smirked. Hard to tell, that this was the same guy who had stood over him last night, wielding a flogger. Finn teased his fingers through Kurt's hair. He would be happy to spend the rest of his life discovering all the aspects that were Kurt.

Kurt stretched, and his eyes popped open. "Good morning, Finn Hudson."

Finn smiled. "Good morning, Marquis de Sade."

Kurt's mouth dropped open in shock. "I did not hurt you, Finn Hudson!"

Finn laughed. "No, but if the whip fits…"

Kurt tackled Finn, pinning his arms over his head. "A little more respect, please."

Finn looked up at Kurt, his eyes lit with laughter. And then his eyes went dull, and his face froze.

Kurt dropped Finn's hands, and sat up. "What?"

"Kurt, I don't think I can do this."

Kurt blinked, and then reached out a hand to touch Finn's face. "Oh, baby, we don't have to do the rough stuff, if you don't like it. I don't care, really."

"What?" Finn shook his head. "No, not that. That was fucking awesome. We can do that or anything else you think of, anytime you want."

Kurt climbed off Finn, and sat facing him. "Then what?"

Finn sat up, looking nervous. "Kurt, I don't think I can be just friends with benefits. I want more."

Kurt sat staring at Finn, saying nothing, his eyes blank.

Nerves made Finn babble. "Look, I understand if you can't love me. I don't like fashion, and you don't like sports. And we don't like the same kind of food, or music, or…"

Kurt slid down on the bed, and grabbed Finn's shoulders, pulling the other man on top of him. He ground their mouths together until Finn sank into him, returning the kiss.

"You are a fucking idiot." Kurt whispered the words as he dropped kisses on every part of Finn's body his mouth could reach.

And there it was again. How did Kurt make 'idiot' sound like 'love'?

* * *

Kurt was speeding through his day; designers, photographers, models. Bring it on. Nothing could make him crazy today. He was just too happy. His cell vibrated, again.

**From Finn: you're telling Burt**

**From Kurt: ?**

**From Finn: about us**

Ah, merde! Telling his father, that his son was sleeping with his step-son. Yeah, that was going to go over well!

**From Kurt: coward!**


End file.
